Chocolate

chocolate is my miracle drug

that and a good massage.

mmmm...massage.

that sounds really good right now.

anyway, back to the chocolate.

more importantly

back to the kit-kat that is currently sitting on my desk, but won't be there for very long.

chocolate has a way of drowning out sorrows, feelings, and tears.

ok, so the tears will still be there.

but chocolate makes them go away for a minute.

i hate this.

give me the chocolate.

PMS

i hate pms.

with.a.passion

but want to know who hates pms more?

my hubby

the poor soul

i get onry, EVERY little thing bugs me, i get snarky, tired, hungry, sore, and just mean.

this morning, my hubby hid from me.

because, you see, he couldn't do anything right.

at least according to my pms'ed brain.

i get pms about a week before my period starts.

i explained to my hubby that i was pmsing so i can't be held responsible for whatever i say or do that is mean (i tell him this every month). but what shocked me, was he looked at me and said:

"didn't you just get over that?"

after that is when he hid

he knew

i have tried to keep myself busy, and do things to make myself feel better. but honestly,

i just want to crawl back into bed.

and eat lots of chocolate.

Been awhile

i know i'm awful

i start this blog and then i just kind of disappear from it.
not.cool.

so let's go at this again shall we?

hello, i'm an infertile mama.
i tried conceieving for 6 years before after many fertility treatments, being told i can't get pregnant.
great.
we were then blessed with the miracle that is our son.
you see, he's adopted.
and he belongs in our family.

being a mother is one of the greatest things i have been able to do in this life.
completely.

so let's see. i am 27 years old, and thought i would be just about DONE having kids by this point. we wanted 5-6 kids, spaced about 2 years apart. i started when i was 18 when i got married (yes i KNOW that's young, haha, but when you find the right person, why wait?) If things had gone according to plan, i would have 5 kids by now.
but alas, i have 1.
and probably the cutest one in the whole world.
no offense, just fact :-)

i have bad eggs, and a messed up cycle. hubby has low deformed sperm with bad dna.
apparently that's not a good mix :-)

so we will probably end up with only 2, maybe 3 if we are lucky, kids.

infertility still slaps me in the face.
like when i hear "so, where's his REAL mother?" , or "when are you going to get pregnant again?" and "just try to adopt, then you'll get pregnant."
unfortunately, most of those comments come from other sisters in my church.
aren't they supposed to know better?

sheesh.

but then I think, they haven't been educated. they don't know better. infertility is just starting to come out as an actual desease that women have. And it's serious.

so, let's educate.

anyway. we are looking at adopting again.
we are starting to fill out our paperwork.
i wish those that got pregnant had to go through all the in depth detailing and documenting that we have to do. ugh.
i will try to document it here as to what's going on. my goal is to post on this blog at least twice a week. maybe there are people actually reading out there, maybe not. so, if you read, leave a note :-) and feel free to pass this along to anyone you think will enjoy reading. :-)

~infertile mama